Why Does Wal-Mart Hate Me?

I don't enjoy Wal-Mart. Let me just go on the record. I dislike the fact that no matter which entrance I use, I will have to walk 26.2 miles to get to the three items I need. The elapsed time to walk to each corner of the store will require approximately 35 years. BECAUSE...on a good day, the store's just way too freakin' big and has too many things and too few people working there who give a hoot whether your shopping experience is pleasant or just one step up from a root canal.

But Wal-Mart has managed to make my shopping experience take even longer. Now I have to pack meals, wear a Camelback, and plan for naps in the bedding department for the kids (and myself). BECAUSE...of Cars 2 marketers. I will get you, Pixar! It's not enough now to just avoid the toy section when I go to buy formula, spring water, and toilet paper. No, they've got that insipid race car and tow truck turned into all kinds of nonsense that my three-year-old boy thinks is gold. Mater pillows, Mater water bottles, Mater snacks, Lightning McQueen booster seats, Lightning McQueen bandaids, Lightning McQueen wrapping paper, bubble bath, burritos, drain declogger, rock salt, and antifreeze. Wait, that last one might actually make sense. Anyway, you get my point. The products coat the store like Christmas decorations starting in October.

Oh, and Mikey, and I'm sure millions of other little boys eat it up! Mikey has to check out the Mater bubble maker for fifteen minutes begging me the whole time to spend $20 on this nonsense that will likely not work. Trying to convince a preschooler by saying something like, "Actually, Mikey, you're feeding right into the marketers from the movie company's money-making scheme. They think that they could put Lightning McQueen's silly picture on a rock, and little boys would want to buy it," would only receive an excited, "THEY HAVE LIGHTNING MCQUEEN ROCKS HERE?!"

So, now I know that when I go to Wal-Mart...until this Cars 2 takeover settles down, I need to go alone or pack a tent for an overnight stay. Ahh, who am I kidding? I don't need to pack a tent. I'll just buy the Mater tent over in sporting goods.