Punctuality: A Lost Art

I'm sorry. I extend my apologies to everyone who has had to wait for my brood and me to show up to just about anything lately. In the past I always considered myself a punctual person. My dad always made sure we showed up to events at least ten minutes early if not much more. A nice cushion of time is reassuring to me. Traffic? No problem! I built in a cushion! But once baby number three came along, I can't seem to get our collective booties out the door in anything resembling a hurry. Just so that you'll be a bit more forgiving of me if you are left waiting, the following is a common about-to-leave-the-house scene at Casa Collazo.

Mommy: OK, kids, we've got a play date at Aunt Beth's house! Let's go swinging and see Daniel and Leah.

Kids: Yay! Will Daniel be home?! We can swing! Woohoo! (Note: It matters not if we're going somewhere super fun or to the doctor's office to get shots, the remainder of the conversation is going to go something like this.)

Mommy: Get your shoes on. Boy, am I glad I got up early to get dressed and packed up to go. We're supposed to be there in 45 minutes and it only takes 25 minutes to drive there. What a great cushion I've built in today! Go me!

Mikey: Where are my shoes?

Mommy: Have you looked in the trunk...where they always are? And did you move things around when you looked? (This trait starts early in men). ;)

Mikey: Oh, no. Mommy, can you get 'em?

Celia: I have to go potty!

Xavier: (Insert graphic pooping noises here).

Mommy: Celia, go quickly while I change Xavier. (Xavier proceeds to continue pooping while I try catching it in a sequence of three diapers. I change his pooped-on and spat-up-on clothes three times).

Mikey: MOMMMYYYY! Can I watch Superdog? Mommy, where are you? I want to watch the one with the iguana? Mommy? Mommy? Mommy?

Mommy: No, Mikey, we'll watch it when we get home. Oh, Mikey, did you poop, too?

Mikey: Hmm...let me check. (Touches diaper). Yes, I made a poopy. Can you change me, please?

Mommy: Yes, just a...

Celia: Mommy, the poopies are being shy. They don't want to see the pee pees in the potty.

Mommy: It's OK, Celia. Maybe you can wait and go at Aunt Beth's house.

Celia: NOOO, Mommy. I'll just wait. Mommy?

Mommy: Yes, sweetie.

Celia: I love you.

Mommy: I love you, too, baby.

Mikey: Have you seen Mater and Lighning McQueen?

Mommy: No, Mikey, you have to find your own toys.

Mikey: Help me find them, Mommy. Mommy, where are Mater and Lightning McQueen? Can you help me find them?

Mommy: I think they're on the train table. Go check.

Mikey: Mommy, can you do it?

Celia: Mommy, I'm done! Come wipe me!

Mikey: Ouch! I hurt myself. Mommy, can you cuddle with me?

Xavier: (gurgle, coo, burp, SPIT UP!)

Mommy: Where's the burp cloth? What time is it? Where's my phone? (dials) Beth, we'll be a little late again. Just love me anyway please.

So, I've learned now that if I'm in any kind of hurry, I have to just expect that everyone will need to clear their bowels, find a long-lost toy, and possibly need a good cuddle. And that's why we start getting ready to go everywhere 15 or 20 minutes early these days. I'm learning slowly, and I'm looking forward to the day when the only bathroom concerns I have are my own. In the meantime, I'll just savor the moment when they are all finally strapped in their car seats singing along to the Backyardigans CD.

Please bear with us for now and understand that our tardiness is not out of any form of disrespect on our part. And hopefully, when we show up you'll think better late than never and not regret inviting this bunch of rascals out.